Ziggy's movin' in.....

Put To Sleep
Three people, 2 men and 1 woman, and their dogs are in the Vets waiting room.The first man's dog asked the second man's dog what he's there for.
They are putting me down. "Oh no", says the first dog, "why?"
The second dog says, "Well, you see... I've been chasing thePostman for years. Yesterday, I finally caught him, and bit him. So, I'mgoing to be put to sleep.The second dog says, "Well, my master just completely remodeled the inside of his house. I didn't like it because my scent wasn't anywhere, anymore.So, when he went to bed last night, I pissed on everything Icould find, to get my scent back. This morning, my master found out what Ihad done,
so he is putting me to sleep also.
The third dog said, "This is my masters new girlfriend. She runs around the house all the time without her clothes. This makes me veryhorny. So, this morning, as she was getting out of the shower, and bentover to wipe
up the water on the floor. I couldn't stand it anymore, so Ijumped on her a gave it to her good!"
The other dogs say, "so' that's why they are putting you to sleep?"
"No", says the dog, "She is bringing me here to get my toenails clipped!"


This midget is riding an elevator when it stops and a huge black man gets on. The midget looks up at him and says..."WOW! You`re big!"

The black man says, "That`s right. I`m 7 ft. tall ... weigh 280 pounds ... have a 16 inch dick ... and my name is Turner Brown."

With that the midget passes out cold. The black man picks him up, shakes him awake, and says, "Are you all right little guy?"

The midget says, "Would you mind repeating what you told me?"

"Sure. I`m 7 ft. tall ... weigh 280 pounds ... have a 16 inch dick ... and my name is Turner Brown."

"OOOH," says the midget, "I thought you said turn around!"


One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his
wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.

The wife turns over and says "I`m sorry honey, I`ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over
and taps his wife again.

This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"


A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle.
He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good,
you can see my house all the way up on that hill". The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing. "What`s so funny?" asks the clerk.

"I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house", the man replies.

The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two bullets, I`ll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife`s head off and shoot the guy`s dick off."

The man takes another look through the scope and says, "You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!"


Q: How does a woman know when her husband is losing interest?
A: When his favorite sexual position is "next door"


A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the
way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No, he didn't.
He just walked in the door."


Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There`s a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out, "Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.


I know I haven't known you for a very long time and I shouldn't be asking you for this so soon, but I need it very badly. I haven't had it for a long time and I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft. If you would do this for me, no one would ever know. I am sure you can satisfy my needs and I'd be very grateful if you would. I am very desperate and I need your help. You must think I have a lot of nerve, but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the juice until it's very dry. It has been on my mind all day and I'm not going to beat around the bush anymore...........


-------> Do you have a piece of gum??? <-------

Get your minds out of the gutter!! LOL